There is clarity in this. In this love. There is a connection to something real and complete and lovely. And it goes well beyond the people who poses this love. There is a complete forgiveness and a complete knowing of how trivial anything is, anything but this love. I miss them so much. I miss them so much, but as I look to the sky to open my heart to the same infinite space above us all, I feel them. I FEEL them. I know they are there and they still possess their beautiful, complicated, subtle, giving souls...even if I can't see them, hear them, like I used to. I know what she looks like still in my mind. I still know the places where her face softens in her distress. Yes. I still know what that looks like.
I know what his smile looks like, full and brave, and especially sturdy. Yes. These are my parents. Especially sturdy, especially lovely...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Ethnic
The question sais, "What qualities, strengths, and experiences do you have in working in culturally/ethnically diverse learning environments?"
Ummm, none, none, and none. Well, that ought to do it, right? I think that will be my submission for this scholarship application. At least it will be honest, right? I'm having a big problem with this. It has something or other to do with a fading part of my identity. I am nothing more or less than what I am, but this question makes me think that I am very much limited to what I understand. Therefore, does that make me un-ethnic? Un-culturally diverse? And if I am un-these things, what does that mean in terms of what is expected of me reagarding the color of my skin? The place that my parents called home? In terms of what I can offer a culturally/ethnically diverse learning environment.
I just had this thought: I don't want to be so goddam ethereal in the conventional American way. I think about American boredom and the American search for meaning and truth and beauty and I can't help but think that as Americans, we are terribly disadvantaged at actually being able to connect with these things. There just seems to be too much noise, too much knowledge of the most trivial things, and not nearly enough wisdom to be drawn from quiet landscapes and ancestry. We as Americans quickly dispose of our tried and weathered ancestry to make room for the next youthful arrogance. I'm tired of this arrogance. My own, and that which I witness. I'm tired of it, of how solid and empty if makes me feel, makes me see the world. I long for something sincere and old and wise. Something un-American, something perhaps a little more...ethnic.
Ummm, none, none, and none. Well, that ought to do it, right? I think that will be my submission for this scholarship application. At least it will be honest, right? I'm having a big problem with this. It has something or other to do with a fading part of my identity. I am nothing more or less than what I am, but this question makes me think that I am very much limited to what I understand. Therefore, does that make me un-ethnic? Un-culturally diverse? And if I am un-these things, what does that mean in terms of what is expected of me reagarding the color of my skin? The place that my parents called home? In terms of what I can offer a culturally/ethnically diverse learning environment.
I just had this thought: I don't want to be so goddam ethereal in the conventional American way. I think about American boredom and the American search for meaning and truth and beauty and I can't help but think that as Americans, we are terribly disadvantaged at actually being able to connect with these things. There just seems to be too much noise, too much knowledge of the most trivial things, and not nearly enough wisdom to be drawn from quiet landscapes and ancestry. We as Americans quickly dispose of our tried and weathered ancestry to make room for the next youthful arrogance. I'm tired of this arrogance. My own, and that which I witness. I'm tired of it, of how solid and empty if makes me feel, makes me see the world. I long for something sincere and old and wise. Something un-American, something perhaps a little more...ethnic.
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